Maintenance for your soul

Do you ever feel guilty for wanting more?  I’ll admit, I do!  Don’t get me wrong, I love and appreciate all that I have and I recognize I am blessed with so much abundance but often times I feel that there is something askew.

The nineteen year old me would kick my thirty something ass.  Granted, what does a nineteen year old really know? At an age where you can afford to be idealistic and grandiose about the world, your dreams, and your life, you have no practical sense of reality; a mortgage, child birth, civic responsibility, parenting and TAXES!  Life at that age is almost a fantasy.  The world is, in a very real sense, a blank canvas.  You are the artist and your experiences, dreams, and passions are the paint.

Somewhere along the road I forgot how to paint.  My canvas has become bland and boring.  I forgot how to LIVE!

My modus operandi, for years, has been to survive, hoping that one day I would find the (time/money/energy /Insert excuse here) to follow my dreams.  One of these days!  Sadly, that day never comes and for many, they die with a lifetime of regret.  They mourn the “life” they could have had instead of loving the life they lived.

In high school, my art teacher would always tell me “Amanda, there is no creativity in fear”.   After twenty years I finally understand.  With my new found self-awareness I am dusting off my paintbrushes, breaking out my paints, and taking a bold swipe at the blank canvas.   

I can no longer be defined by my titles: Mother, daughter, employee, partner.  I will no longer be afraid to create life.  I am more and have more to offer the world; the world has more to offer me.  The bounds of my creativity are endless and all I have to do is try. ^{DO  (“Do or do not, there is no try” Yoda)}

I have no way of knowing what the future holds but nothing will come to me if I am stagnant.  To get out of my rut I must move forward, one step at a time (baby steps count).  Life is always moving forward.  It is an inner drive we all possess.  Reach deep inside and connect with your soul.  Push the fear away and let it carry you forward.

A toddler doesn’t go from crawling to running in one fell swoop.  Bored with their current state of being they say  “I’m tired of sitting in one place, I want to explore!”  They muster all that is in them to stand.  Sometimes they have to use a table or someone’s hand to pull them upright.  Then they leave that comfort zone and take a small step towards the unknown.  Sure, they fall down.  They may even bash their head open on the coffee table a time or two but they ALWAYS get back up and try again.  One step becomes three, three steps become ten and in no time they are off and running  pulling books off  the shelves, grabbing at pots on the stove and wreaking havoc all over the place!

Once you learn how to walk you find all sorts of wonderful methods of transport: bikes, skateboards, cars and planes! Just think; if you never learn how to walk, you will never learn how to fly.

This is me "doing"  Combining my passion for
motherhood and creativity in my daily life.  Baby steps.

We have all experienced the sting of the burn.  Our hearts have been blistered by the pain of failure.  Wounds heal.  Reach for the pot.  You never know, it just might be your first step to becoming the next iron chef!